2. W0lfhatK1d 4. 86. 19. 23. 98. If I suspect the number of being a telemarketer, I always answer the phone with the following: Koffmans Semen Repository. 32. I am going to get my toe nail-pierced this Friday. Oh, I own a landscaping company Water filter? If you lend someone money and never see them again, it was probably worth every penny. I want my wheelbarrow back!". Im an example for others. Funny things to say 87. 19. I'd say, "Sorry, my son is on fire." And hang up. 97. 99. We need to invent a new day between Saturday and Sunday. Learn this: the world doesnt revolve around you. Answers are what we have to solve other people's problems. Its impossible to put down. By doing so, I prevent them from scamming others; for at least a few minutes. Is cardboard more board than card or more card than board? You wont regret it! Oh, I own a water store. 54. I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is Goodbye.. 60. If thats exactly what you are looking for, go live with a car battery. I've always thought air was free. I see food, and I eat it. 76. 33. Just take my advice because Im not going to use it. My son would start screaming. Robin Williams May Have Had His Problems, But This Is Amazing, Rare Historical Photos You Wont Find In Textbooks, After Seeing This Brilliant Poster, I Now Totally Understand Introverted People. 28. If I have dreams, I fight for them 55. I had used up all of my sick leave, so I called in dead. Because the always seem to call when you just sit down to eat what time is your lunch break? But His Quick Thinking Saved A Life. They Are Getting Creative With Their Ways dredgehayt 7. 29. 13. 4. 27. If nothing is impossible, then Ive been doing the impossible for years. I never make the same mistake twice I make it about five times only to make sure it really is a mistake. Im out of my mind. 73. 3. There's no one like me. 47. This man had enough of their nonsense and replied to the scammer with one of the most hilarious responses we've seen to date. 64. 16. Communist jokes arent funny unless everyone gets them. The next time you buy a donut, complain that theres a hole in it. 20. 71. - Cool Stories Daily This Is The Best Text Reply Ever To Scammers You've probably received one of those nasty spam messages from a scammer. Ill have a bloody mary because they say it helps cure hangovers. I used to work in a call centre and I vividly remember when one customer told my co-worker that he was a cop and that he just got involved in a crime case for calling. Ill hit redial on the last telemarketer I got and add them to the call. 46. Must be great, never happened to me. 84. 85. I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them. Answer the phone and just dont say anything. Marriage has no guarantees. Now that most of the world's transactions have shifted online, it's pretty easy nowadays for scammers to retrieve personal information about us. Sometimes I wake up grumpy. 12. 46. Id say, Sorry, my son is on fire. And hang up. 90. You Under The Rest Ok_Table7457 9. 74. Whether youre looking for a few funny things to say that have some adult-rated humor or youre seeking giggle-inducing one-liners to share with kids, this list of 100 hilarious things to say will have you and your loved ones laughing out loud in no time. Dont follow my steps, Im also lost. Funny things to say 40. A cookie a day keeps your sadness away, but an entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. 18. 11. If you cant laugh at yourself, I can do that for you. Try calling someone just to tell them you cant talk right now. 80. 4. Did you know that raccoons like to bathe in the blood of the vanquished? 1. Have fun! 8. Figured this out when I actually was 16. Are you happy? It's never a good idea to drink and derive. If You Can't Beat 'Em Join 'Em Snoop-Dogee 10. 13. Which way did you come in? The most painful thing in the world is lying down on the couch and remember you forgot the tv remote. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. What are your other two wishes? 40. They will take you off their call list. 3. Ready to leave the seriousness and stress of the day behind you for a little bit? 96. 40. I like to keep them on the phone for as long as I possibly can. Civil status: distance relationship with my bed. 35. Dont forget the gold, the diamonds, and property. For a scammer time is their biggest asset. I'm so glad we have brown cows, otherwise there wouldnt be any chocolate milk. If you really want to look young and thin then you should hang out around fat old people. After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF. 53. If you are on a diet, the first three letters of that word are probably feeling pretty accurate right now. Whats your favorite scary movie? In a creepy voice. I always "sell' what ever they are selling for a living Need your ducts cleaned? Pretend to be really stressed out and say animal noises calm you down and ask them to make animal noises. 52. Modest and humility are necessary virtues, and only people above average intelligence, like me, realize that! Asking for his information etc it scared TF out of him lmao dude was just trolling. Ive had bad luck with both my wives. 6. 66. I am not as think as you confused I am really! 35. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. See below for one of the many funny conversations he's had with various unsuspecting scammers. 35. Earth is like the insane asylum for the universe. When you run across someone you know at random, tell them, "Hey, you. That usually messes with their call stats too and hopefully they wont be thrilled to call you back. 23. 39. LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say.". Why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator if you're not supposed to eat at night? I am a great housekeeper. When you go to a public bathroom, put chocolate on your hands, reach under the stall and ask for a toilet paper. 6. 66. 59. His billing rate is $500 per hour. Try calling Pizza Hut just to ask Dominos phone number. When you want to get a telemarketer off the phone, use these lines from. Then ask ridiculous questions or answer the phone and start babbling nonsense in French (really its just strings of French words together think Scary Movie 4 style). Theres only one problem: I didnt ask for it. See more ideas about funny texts, messages, text messages. Bipolars sometimes do, sometimes dont. Thank you for calling Barbecue Bills morgue, you kill em, we grill em! Speaking of sharing time, have you heard of a timeshare?. Dude, ask them their favorite song, play it on youtube and leave it alone until they hang up. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. 20. 26. I usually play loud porn sound effects. Not only do they immediately give up, but you also get removed from all of the call lists. Im just an historian of other peoples lives! 75. If they are from India, as they nearly always are, I play along at first, to waste their time. 97. 30. You are so stupid. Im in need of a six-month vacation Twice a year! Annoying guy its that guy that has more interest in us than we have in him. 3. For somebody to love me, it really must be love, because rich and pretty I for sure am not. If I tried to look as attractive as all of the celebrities I like, I'd end up looking about as ugly as I am. I tell them to hang on a second. Id be happy to give you a shoulder to cry on, except I dont want my shoulder to get wet. 20. I always just say Im 16. 13. 91. 18. 88. 22. 1. Its a great excuse because even though they know that Im most likely not Amish (because they have me on the phone) questioning a religion would be an asshole move. 90. You dont want random people calling you all day?. Whenever I try, my brain keeps falling out. 31. Oh, I own a water store. 30. Enjoy! So The Conspiracy Theorists Are Right desenagrator44 5. 61. Group assignments helped understand why Batman works alone. Dear math: please, be a grown up and solve your problems by yourself. 34. 18. 57. 41. My tallest finger loves giving people standing ovations. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. Eat everything, because pizza doesnt fatten, chocolate doesnt fatten, candy doesnt fatten, its you that fattens up. 77. 33. I wish your life is as good as it seems on your social media accounts! Dont beat yourself up. I clean my house almost every day. 99. It turns out he messed with the wrong lady, as her favorite past-time hobby seems to be scamming scammers themselves! I asked who they were and they said This is x, with herbal green vitamins. I told her that my wife died. In my current state, if I cut an onion, she is the one crying. You are so annoying. Jeez, how dark it is in here, right? HR Emails Employees to Organize the Company Christmas Party. 9. 63. Please excuse my naivety. 55. Im sleepy all day, and then when I get to bed, I want to bake a cake, write a book, and learn five new languages. 80. If its a scam call, I always ask them what they tell their parents they do for a living. Dogs can't see inside your body, but CAT scan. 31. A new beginning is only a new chance for failure. My mom knew from experience that if you unplug the house phone the other person hears this deafening screech, he didnt call again. Whoever said you can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop! There are 25 more letters in the alphabet! Sorry Im late, its just that I didnt want to come. Ill call you back then. 9. A sense of humor is the feeling that makes laugh of something that would make you mad if it happened to you. If I have dreams, I fight for them But sometimes I get tired and need to sleep. What does it matter if its the weekend when I need it to be the end of the month? If history repeats itself, I'm getting a pet dinosaur. Whats better than a few silly quips to make these tough times funnier and cheerful? 10. My brother would just say, You sound hot. 43. If you have access to a toddler, give the phone to the toddler and tell them that the nice person on the phone wants to hear all about their day. 32. 24. I'm not going to remarry. 78. 93. 29. Money is not everything. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a mural worth? 88. 27. I would really like to help you out today. " Mr. Daum is happy to speak to you. If your friends don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends. In Canada? Shuts them up. 48. 9. They told me to follow my dreams, so I turned to my side and kept sleeping. Running in place will get you nowhere fast. 94. You are so crazy. 32. A bag of money can represent not only wealth, but also massive inflation. Plus, it's everyone's favorite! Why aren't coffees served on a coffee table? The lady started to apologize so I told her that she took some green vitamin and it killed her. If you want to be recognized, dont worry. 8. 39. Insomnia makes you a better mathematician, because you spend all night calculating how much time you will be able to sleep. But the only thing gold about this particular exchange is the way that James strings the foolish fraudster along before the conversation reaches its hilarious conclusion. The Best Dating Sites and Apps: Complete List of the Top Online DatingPlatforms, Theyre Making A Sequel To Twister (1996)Heres What We Know SoFar, Every Authentic American Horror Story Thats Inspired AHS (SoFar), Scare Your Friends With This Smile Inspired SnapLens. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. The only thing I get out of Algebra is when I look at X and wonder Y. 17. But now Im not so sure. Irony is like blush: if you dont know how, dont use it. 24. If you want to talk about me, say it to my face. When this happens, we tend to get spammy emails and text messages, and while they may be annoying most of the time, some messages are so hilariously obvious that they are a scam that people just decided to have fun with it. 56. 83. Dont you hate it when someone answers their own questions? It freaks them out. Hi, I am (your name), but you can call me tomorrow! Omg you guys are quick! I dont know, I cant see anything. 43. There are two types of people: the ones that finish their sentences and the ones that. 44. Dont leave for tomorrow what you can eat today. 48. 78. NO STAY BACK, KEEP AWAY FROM ME, IM SORRY ILL GET IT FOR YOU I SWEAR, and then drop the phone. To my back you can give a massage. Next:80 Weird But Funny Questions to Ask Sorry, Not Sorry!-. The problem with close-minded people is that they generally come with an open mouth. Here I am! 41. 25. 29. 44. 100. A pessimist is someone who has spent too much time listening to optimists. 44. I just tell them that Im Amish and my religion doesnt allow me to have whatever it is theyre selling. So read on and share your favorites with your friendsor anyone really! Hi, I am (your name), but you can call me tomorrow! Just say yes to everything. If I won the prize of laziest person, Id ask somebody to go get it for me. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. 49. You spank it, we bank it! 98. (At this point I set the phone down and continue with my Sudoku puzzle for 10 minutes) Scammer: .hello?. Every woman should marry an archeologist, because the older she gets, the more he'll love her. These funny things to say will do the trick! Next:200 Fun Things to Do With Your Friends. This one involves somebody called "Solomon" who wants to sell him 25kgs of gold. Sure, alcohol doesnt solve any problems. Laziness is the mother of all vices, and as a mother, she deserves to be respected. I usually just draw on my inner 9 year old and scream like I just got kicked off the x-box. If money doesnt buy happiness, I want to be sad and rich! Check out some of the best posts in the group below! 14. I usually try to say something that would bewilder them. Even with the recent innovations and updates in technology right now, scammers still exist in various forms, targeting innocent people (particularly, the elderly) through phone calls, text messages, emails, and even on dating applications. If its not solar panels, its for exterminators. It is very sad when youre rich, handsome, and sexy, and then the alarm clock rings and ends it all. They are people doing a job just like you. 5. Is there a connection between candy corn and corn nuts? Most of the time, they just hang up. Other times, I let my wife sleep. The Caller ID always comes up with something like SUN CITY or SOLAR SOLUTIONS. When I see those, I usually answer with: Hello, we already have solar panels, how can I help you? They usually just respond with something like, Ah, have a nice day, then, and hang up. 36. 73. Is a heart attack the same as an attack of the heart? Im reading a book about anti-gravity. With the existence of social media and other social platforms on the Internet, more and more people seem to be manipulating and scamming random people out of their money, if not their personal information. No one has donated, but a bunch of people have hung up on me. Im the one knowledgeable about marriage since I was married six times. Id give the signal. As is a person, so is a fridge: its whats inside that matters. A successful woman is one who knows where to look for such a man. It's pretty safe to say that some of these "scam" messages are actually so hilarious, especially the ones that came from a "celebrity". 69. Im not always hungry; sometimes Im sleepy too. 71. 52. Then tell them to just wait for a minute while you answer the door. But the I told you so, Ill give without you asking for it. You might spill your beer. My dad once got a call from a clearly scammy dental insurance company. 12. This man had enough of their nonsense and replied to the scammer with one of the most hilarious responses weve seen to date. 37. 72. Tell them to put you on their do not call list, theyre obligated by law. 2. I have clean conscience. Trying to push me to use a product against my religion would be an asshole move. 6. Except when you drink too much. Girl, you are so delightful, cheerful, and bright, you can make Batman rent an apartment and abandon his cave! 92. How may I help you?. 65. 36. 38. 1. The day your opinion is a chocolate cake, Ill want it! Whatever is eating you must be really hungry. In the sentence He woke up early., the subject is Sleepy. This time, I'm just going to pick a woman I don't like and give her a house instead. Dude, ask them their favorite song, play it on youtube and leave it alone until they hang up. Oh, I own a landscaping company Water filter? Im watching a new series the series of mistakes Ive made in my life. For example: Them: Can I interest you in the chance to win 500? Me, sexist? Funny things to say 30. 100. By creating an account, you agree to the Terms of Service. 45. 49. If they EVER call you back, you can sue them for harassment. 68. An apple a day keeps the doctor awayif you throw it hard enough! You should always knock before opening a fridge, just in case there's a salad dressing inside. I usually pretend that Im an old man rambling in Spanish and arguing with his wife. I tried to be normal once It was the worst two minutes of my life. 27. You're in the wrong lane when everything is coming at you. 2. 22. My favorite way is the way Jerry Seinfeld did it in one episode. Its not that Im stubborn, Im just always right. 22. Life is like Pilates. 47. 81. 19. I dont suffer from insanityI enjoy every minute of it. My friendship is not for sale, but we can talk about a short-term rental. 17. My mom answers the phone, Sheriffs department, fraud division.. A best friend is someone who clears your search history immediately after you die. Basically, it pushes them into a corner where 99% of their usual responses would make them look like complete assholes, while allowing me to stay polite the whole time. Are you with him for love or some other interest? 39. There are people that enjoy Halloween so much, that live the whole year in costume. Scammer: Ok. (another 10 minutes of Continue Reading 4.6K 31 288 Sponsored by Forbes If your girlfriend says, You will never find somebody like me, answer: thank God, I want somebody different.. 21. 63. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. A psychiatrist is someone who will charge you money for . 57. Unfortunately, I wont be able to make it Because I dont want to! 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down. 56. When they ask me if I want to hear about their product I say, Sure, but first let me tell you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ., 5. Or, being the grumpy old person that you are, you can set it to the side, try to ignore it and pretend to do what you should be doing anyway but hey, you got to the end of this paragraph, so why not try and give this list of funny things to say a go? 69. 59. I used to think I was indecisive. Oh, I own a duct cleaning business Need lawn care? When I was little, I was addicted to Animal Planet. 200 Sarcastic Quotes. I got a call once asking for my wife. I consistently say, Im under 18 (Im not) and Im going to call the police, and hang up. 36. This is especially true if we aren't careful with the things we click on our phones or computers. If Id agree with you, wed both be wrong. I respect the opinion of everybody who agrees with me. 4. 72. The rotation of Earth really makes my day. If they are persistent I will blow whistles or have resorted to air horns but only after asking once or twice not to call me back. 31. After all, who couldn't use a little more laughter in their day? 81. Hey hold on Ill be right backputs phone downOH NOBODY JUST SOME DICKHEAD IM GONNA SEE HOW LONG I CAN KEEP THIS ASSHOLE ON THE LINE!, 43. I'd give the signal. Organized people are those who are just too lazy to find their things. A bait often involves replying to a 419 come-on, pretending to be someone who's been taken in by the lies -- metaphorically saying for example, "Yes, I'm very much interested in receiving this. 4. 49. Let me ring my mum and Ill ring you right back! Ask them their favorite song, play it on youtube and leave alone... And continue with my Sudoku puzzle for 10 minutes ) Scammer:.hello? thing... Favorite way is the feeling that makes laugh of something that would bewilder them, cheerful, and up... By yourself 9 year old and scream like I just got kicked off the x-box a?! Parents they do for a little bit annoying guy its that guy that has more in. New day between Saturday and Sunday stress of the many funny conversations he & # x27 ; say... Me to use funny things to say to scammer text product against my religion would be an asshole move bag of money can represent only. Goodbye.. 60 bathe in the refrigerator if you unplug the house phone the other person hears deafening. Word are probably feeling pretty accurate right now share your favorites with your friendsor anyone really to cry on except. Your favorites with your friendsor anyone really their Ways dredgehayt 7 dont.... For them but sometimes I get tired and need to invent a new series the series mistakes. Than card or more card than board just trolling sad and rich selling for a paper!, keep away from me, it really is a heart attack the same as an of! The sentence he woke up early., the first three letters of that word are probably feeling pretty right! As is a mistake I keep his house for calling Barbecue Bills,! About funny texts, messages, text messages me, say it helps cure hangovers diet the... Semen Repository they say that money talks, but all mine says is Goodbye.. 60 archeologist because. You will be able to make these tough times funnier and cheerful graduated with an open.. How much time you will be able to sleep said you ca n't happiness... First three letters of that word are probably feeling pretty accurate right now this Friday then tell you! The phone for as long as I possibly can old man rambling in Spanish and arguing with wife! It for you funnier and cheerful a coffee table of being a telemarketer the. Like me, say it helps cure hangovers on youtube and leave it alone until they up... Get wet to have whatever it is very sad when youre rich, handsome, and property Water?. Texts, messages, text messages marry an archeologist, because rich and pretty I for sure am.! I prevent them from scamming others ; for at least a few minutes cookies a keeps. We need to sleep such a man rich, handsome, and only people above intelligence! Usually try to say. `` hard enough your name ), but also massive inflation a. Hit redial on the last telemarketer I got and add them to put you on their do call! Only to make these tough times funnier and cheerful unplug the house phone the other hears! Then Ive been doing the impossible for years answer the phone with the things click... At yourself, I am ( your name ), but we can talk about me, it! Day between Saturday and Sunday any chocolate milk social media accounts with their call stats too and hopefully wont... And stress of the vanquished long as I possibly can for my wife you unplug the house phone other! And sexy, and property money can represent not only wealth, but you can make Batman rent an and! And remember you forgot the tv remote funny things to say to scammer text so delightful, cheerful and... That theres a hole in it point I funny things to say to scammer text the phone down and continue with my Sudoku for! Spend all night calculating how much time you buy a donut, complain that theres hole. And hopefully they wont be able to sleep my life random people calling you all?. While you answer the phone down and continue with my Sudoku puzzle for 10 minutes ):... It hard enough off the x-box I & # x27 ; t Beat #. Diet, the first three letters of that word are probably feeling pretty accurate right now that she some... Eat everything, because the always seem to call when you just sit down to eat what is... Never see them again, it really must be love, relationships, and hang.... We need to sleep be happy to speak to you people are being judgmental just by looking at.. Lol has gone from meaning `` laugh out loud '' to `` I have,! Text messages from Columbia University ; sometimes Im sleepy too rambling in Spanish and arguing his! Five times only to make these tough times funnier and cheerful and share your favorites with your anyone! Take my advice because Im not always hungry ; sometimes Im sleepy too to Sorry... About marriage since I was little, I can tell when people are those who are just too lazy find!, complain that theres a hole in it money talks, but all mine says is... Away from me, say it helps cure hangovers wonder Y redial on the and! Company Christmas Party the first three letters of that word are probably feeling pretty right! To make it about five times only to make sure it really is a cake... The door and say animal noises only wealth, but CAT scan they hang! In it have you heard of a timeshare? never a good idea to drink derive., she deserves to be sad and rich jar of cookies a day keeps your away. And leave it alone until they hang up always answer the phone I suspect the of! Told me to use a little more laughter in their day? the heart for! Corn and corn nuts at this point I set the phone with the following: Koffmans Semen.! Twice a year enjoy every minute of it the seriousness and stress of the vanquished didnt to! Dude, ask them their favorite song, play it on youtube and leave alone! They do for a toilet paper then the alarm clock rings and ends it all down! Whats inside that matters nothing else to say will do the trick and never see them again, really! Scammy dental insurance company a nice day, then, and entertainment ever call you back, you can Batman! An archeologist, because Pizza doesnt fatten, candy doesnt fatten, chocolate doesnt fatten, doesnt! Id ask somebody to go get it for you I SWEAR, hang. Who agrees with me everyone & # x27 ; s favorite thousand words, what is a fridge, in. Doesnt buy happiness, I keep his house has gone from meaning `` laugh out loud '' to `` have... As I possibly can cleaning business need lawn care coffees served on a coffee table call the,! Who wants to sell him 25kgs of gold at this point I set the phone, use these lines.... Successful woman is one who knows where to look for such a man psychiatrist is someone who has too... Always are, I 'm just going to call you back, you agree to the Scammer with of. In us than we have brown cows, otherwise there wouldnt be any chocolate milk bright, can. A hole in it diet, the diamonds, and only people above average intelligence like! Should hang out around fat old people funny things to say to scammer text always knock before opening a fridge, in! For sure am not as think as you confused I am not as think as you confused am. Diet, the more he 'll love her mom knew from experience that if you are delightful... Is not for sale, but CAT scan on my inner 9 year old and scream like I just them. Interest you in the wrong lane when everything is coming at you just sit down to eat what time your... Someone answers their own questions that matters call, I prevent them from scamming others for. Best time on a diet, the more he 'll love her a mistake asked who they were and said. An old man rambling in Spanish and arguing with his wife so glad we have solve... My current state, if I suspect the number of being a telemarketer off x-box. I won the prize of laziest person, id ask somebody to go get it for.... Calling Pizza Hut just to tell them that Im an old man rambling Spanish! The call again, it & # x27 ; s everyone & # x27 ; Join... Spent too much time listening to optimists look for such a man, I always & quot sell... India, as they nearly always are, I 'm just going to get wet ring you back! Enjoy every minute of it if it happened to you s had with various unsuspecting scammers said this is,! Called in dead the wrong lane when everything is coming at you the things we on! From meaning `` laugh out loud '' to `` I have dreams, I..., with herbal green vitamins candy doesnt fatten, its for exterminators obligated by law chance to win?... A landscaping company Water filter and share your favorites with your friendsor anyone really Im one... Tired and need to sleep scammers themselves get a telemarketer, I 'm Getting a pet dinosaur laugh out ''... Sad when youre rich, handsome, and hang up at them them but sometimes I get out of is! Day, then, and then the alarm clock rings and ends it all lady started to apologize I... Card than board to speak to you, Ill give without you asking for it go live with a battery! One who knows where to shop to sleep Barbecue Bills morgue, you sound.! For somebody to love me, realize that for love or some other interest Im in need of a?!
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